Just a few weeks shy of our first wedding anniversary, Albert received a phone call that would leave him as he described, “stunned, confused, angry and sad at the same time.” His parents who had been married for over 25 years were getting a divorce. We both wondered how a marriage with so many years under its belt and a marriage that seemed to lack nothing go wrong? It was difficult for us to understand how a marriage could end without any warnings. Everything seemed fine just a week earlier. What we failed to notice was that this marriage had been in dangerous waters for quite some time. The truth is, no marriage ends overnight. In this case, it was the result of a slow and silent process that we all need to pay close attention to so that we don’t find ourselves in the same predicament.

Too often we read or hear of couples who have drifted apart. To drift means “to move slowly from one place to another with no control over direction,” says the Cambridge English dictionary. This “marital drift” occurs so slowly that it’s hard to detect. It can hide within our daily chores and mundane routines, and before we know it, if we are not careful, we might one day find our marriages in a place we do not like or recognize. Sadly, this is where my in-laws found themselves. Looking back over 20 years since the divorce, Albert will admit that his parents came from an era where people didn’t talk about their problems. He will go further to say how he can’t ever remember a time when his parents did something together without having him or his siblings included. As a result, during those years, they lost their connection and their marriage failed to stand the test of time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

For us to maintain healthy relationships and remain connected, we must set aside time to devote to our marriages. It’s not the actual amount of time or the “quantity” of time given to your spouse that is important as it is to spend “quality” time with one another. We’ve all heard the saying, “You get what you pay for.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve purchased one-dollar headphones. They would temporarily meet my need, but before too long I was off buying another one. They would not last because of the lack of quality.  

It is the same with our marriages. There are many times we can find ourselves in the same room yet be in different places. It’s not the amount of time we spend together but rather the use of the time spent. It is crucial to provide my spouse with my undivided attention, free from any distractions (kids, work, ministry, etc.) so I can establish a deeper connection with him — a connection so deep, it will enable us to withstand any storm or crisis that may come our way. It can certainly prove difficult when we have little ones to tend to, but it cannot be dismissed or overlooked. One day the kids will be out of the house. What will be left is the relationship we cultivated.  

In the Bible, King Solomon understood there was a time for everything under the sun. That includes time put aside to enjoy the spouse that God has placed in your life. You must be intentional about making quality time every day.   

Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and your toilsome labor under the sun.”

Here are some ways I can spend quality time with my spouse:  

• Schedule routine date nights  
• Have a candlelight dinner at home
• Go for a walk together 
• Go for a long drive
• Snuggle and watch a movie together
• Have game nights
• Go away for a weekend 
• Pray together

There is no greater way we can express our love for someone than to give them a part of ourselves that we can never get back — our time.

We challenge you this week to make a list of ideas on how you could spend more quality time together and schedule them into your calendar. 

Helpful Resources

Your Time-Starved Marriage Couples Kit:

https://store.lesandleslie.com/collections/your-time-starved-marriage

Learn your Love Language Quiz:

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quiz