When I think about love, I can’t help but think about God. In the Bible, 1 John 4:8 teaches us that God is love. His love for us is unconditional. Despite our flaws and shortcomings, He loves us! There is absolutely nothing in this world we can do that will make God love us any less. Just like there is absolutely nothing in this world we can do to make Him love us more. 

 When we read in the Scriptures of God’s love toward us, the Greek word used to describe His love is agape. Agape love is not based on a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial love; the kind found in Christ Jesus, who was willing to put us above Himself, bearing our sins, and laying down His life so that we could be reconciled with God. It is this agape love that the Bible refers to when we are commanded to love one another. This includes our spouses. This is the love that keeps no records of wrong, that is slow to anger, that is patient and kind. This love never fails, even when we find ourselves caught in the middle of a crisis.

 It’s important to understand that while agape love is needed in our marriage, the Bible refers to other types of love as well. In the book of Song of Solomon, the Greek word Solomon uses to describe his wife is, eros¹. This type of love is used to describe a physical attraction or sexual arousal — ah yes, that feeling when your heart begins to race at the sight of your significant other, or when you first had those butterflies in your stomach.  

 I remember when Albert and I first got married, I was twenty-one years old and always wondered how a couple could remain attracted to each other throughout the years. At the age of twenty-one I could never imagine being attracted to someone in their forties. Yet here we are. And as Albert tells me (a bit too often), he seems to be aging like fine wine. I can’t say that I disagree. We’ve remained attracted to each other for all these years. 

But as many of you know, a relationship cannot be built on only attraction. We need to build a firm foundation in our marriages. There is another type of love the Bible refers to that we believe is just as important in building that firm foundation. It comes from the Greek word philia. Philia is used to describe a brotherly love or that of a close friendship. Your spouse needs to be your go-to person — that person you can go to when you need to vent; that person you can laugh and goof around with; that person you can trust and share your dreams, goals, and your life with.  

Now, there will no doubt be seasons in our marriages when the butterflies aren’t fluttering and the kids or life’s struggles seem to get in the way. No one has a perfect marriage. But when it comes to love, Henry David Thoreau said this, “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”  

Yes, feelings may come and go, but that is when we lean on agape love.  We must be willing to support each other, even during trying times. We must build on our relationships with each other by learning to communicate effectively, and we must work hard to keep the flames burning by spending quality time with one another.  

Our challenge for you and your spouse this week is to love more!

1. Heather Riggleman, “What is the Meaning and Significance of Eros (God’s Love) in the Bible?,” Christianity.com, December 2, 2019.

Helpful Resources

Gary Thomas, A Lifelong Love: How to Have Lasting Intimacy, Friendship, and Purpose in Your Marriage, David C. Cook, 2014. 

Dr. Les Parrott, Love Like That: 5 Relationship Secrets from Jesus, Nelson Books, 2018.