It was our second wedding anniversary and we were excited to go on our seven-day Caribbean cruise. Our day started at about 4 A.M. as we prepared to catch a flight to Florida. One of our dear friends was kind enough to give us a ride to the airport. As we arrived at the airport, we grabbed our luggage and excitedly waved to our friend good-bye. It was at that moment while the car drove off that I placed my hand over my purse and had this realization that when I switched over purses that morning I might not have grabbed my wallet! As Albert turned to enter the airport, I shouted, “Oh no, I left my wallet!” We grabbed a cab back home and eventually missed our flight. Everything that could go wrong went wrong that day. There was one thing that was constant, I cried all day long trying to explain my error while Albert said not one word.

I became the whining wife while Albert became the disconnected, uncaring husband. All too often this scenario is seen in our marriages. Thing is, what is seen on the surface is not always the reality or the root of the issue. According to a study by Albert Mehrabian, there are three elements of communication when it comes to being face-to-face: our words, our tone, and, lastly, our body language. We’ve all heard the familiar adage, “Silence speaks volumes.” But the honest truth is that while body language and tone are a form of communication, they can be misinterpreted and often keep us left guessing.  

This is not God’s desire for how we communicate in marriages or any meaningful relationship. Lack of communication only serves to disconnect us when God has called us to be united and in agreement. The Bible says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3, KJV). In order to avoid misinterpretations or misunderstandings in our marriages, we must both take turns being the communicator and being the receiver.  As the “communicator,” we must be able to express our feelings and thoughts concerning the situation, freely and willingly. As the “receiver,” it is important that we not only listen but that we are able to clarify what is being expressed so that there is no room for misunderstanding. In expressing and clarifying feelings, we can then be more understanding with one another as we are able to see things through the other’s perspective.  

Photograph by Jopwell via Pexels

Back to that awful second-anniversary mishap…Although it seemed I was the whining wife, in reality, I was desperately seeking sympathy and reassurance. And, although Albert seemed to be the disconnected uncaring husband, what he needed was time to process and for his anger to subdue so that he would not say something hurtful. We could have avoided a day’s worth of heartache and frustration had we just communicated what was truly going on. You see, it isn’t until you get to the root of a problem that a solution can be found. Too often we’ve seen marriages end in divorce because they never made it to the root. They failed to see the dangers of their lack of communication.  

In order to strengthen our marriages and meaningful relationships, we must exercise our communication skills. We challenge you to take turns this week being the “communicator” and the “receiver.” For those of us who struggle with expressing ourselves, let’s take some additional time in prayer this week seeking God’s help and guidance. 

Helpful Resources

Body Language Experts

http://www.bodylanguageexpert.co.uk/communication-what-percentage-body-language.html

Essential Communication Skills

https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/clarification.html

Love Talk with Les and Leslie

https://store.lesandleslie.com/collections/love-talk