Pastor Albert and Yasmin Rosado
11 November 2020
By far, one of the greatest highlights of our week during the quarantined months was meeting up with TLC’s Couples Life Group every Sunday via Zoom. There was this amazing sense of connection. It was a safe place where we were able to share our fears and anxieties as well as encourage and pray for one another. It was such a great blessing to lead the group, so when the opportunity presented itself for us to hold an in-person Couples Conference, we were thrilled.
On Saturday, September 26th, we held our Couples Conference, hosted by RightNow Media — “Marriage Night 2020.” It was exciting to see old faces as well as some new ones. We were joined by many couples, including newlyweds who had been married just 72 hours!
Marriage Night 2020 consisted of four amazing speakers who are seasoned at ministering to many lives and marriages. The conference began with Conway and Jada Edwards. As we mentioned to those who attended, we felt an instant connection to this couple. They were so honest about their experiences. We learned how they both came from different upbringings and entered into their marriage with certain expectations of one another. Isn’t that how it normally goes? According to Conway and Jada, we each have a “pathway laid out thought to lead to happiness” long before we came into our marriages. They referred to this pathway as a “dominant device,” or a “happiness tool” that helps us navigate through life. This dominant device will most likely stem from childhood experiences that we’ve used to measure our happiness. We’ve been using it all our lives and when our spouse doesn’t measure up to our standard, we are left feeling disappointed. What brings about happiness? For some of us its acceptance, for others, it might be security, reassurance, validation, etc.
TLC Marriage Night 2020
Jada referenced a well-known passage from Scripture you might be familiar with:
You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Psalm 139:1-3
God knows every little thing about us. In fact, he knows us better than we know ourselves.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
King David didn’t just leave it at “God knows all things,” but he went further and asked God to not only search him but to show him. Three things were pointed out through these passages:
- Search your story. What have you been pursuing all your life? Ask God to show you.
- Discover your device. What has been your substitution for your delight?
- Free your spouse. Yup, you read that right. Our joy is found in the Lord! Everything else received from our spouse is extra.
Conway Edwards said this, “True happiness in our marriages comes from a place where there is one God, and two parties fully committed to God.”
We also heard from marriage experts, Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott, who gave great tips on how to cope with conflicts. Let’s be honest, we won’t always agree with each other. The secret is, according to them, getting to the “C.O.R.E” of a good fight:
- COOPERATION – We must remember our spouse is not the enemy. We are on the same team.
- OWNERSHIP – We should have a sense of humility and take ownership when we are wrong.
- RESPECT – Any belittling remark or gesture can be toxic to a relationship.
- EMPATHY – We must be willing to put ourselves in others’ shoes.
The beauty of getting to the C.O.R.E of a good fight is that whenever we use one of these four tools, we will notice that it leads to another one. All four go hand-in-hand.
We also heard from Michael Jr, a comedian. He mentioned something that has stuck with me since. In fact, I ask daily, What can I give? He testified how he would prepare for a show and always ask the question, How can I get laughs? Until God spoke to him and his question changed to What can I give? How often do we find in our marriages seeking to receive from the other? The same way God has given to us, we should cheerfully and willingly give to others. What can you give to your spouse today?
Lastly, speakers Matt and Lauren Chandler shared how they struggled during the first seven years of their marriage. When wounds are left unattended, there is always a danger of infection. In a marriage, it is no different. Lauren mentioned that she sought out counseling. There are benefits to seeking a Christian counselor when needed; he or she can help you achieve a better understanding of yourself and God.
We are grateful to all the couples who participated and happy we can share tidbits of the message with you. It is our prayer that the Lord continues to bless and strengthen your marriages.
Helpful Resources
Websites:
https://jadaedwards.com/product/when-loves-in-view/
https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/steadfast-love
Books:
Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer, Worthy Books (2013). https://www.amazon.com/Good-Fight-Conflict-Bring-Closer/dp/1617951196